One of the hardest decisions women have to make when they become moms is whether they go back to work and leave their children with sitters, stay home and become a full time mom, or become a work at home mom. When my children were babies, long ago, most of my fellow teachers quit teaching when they started their families.

A few of them, the more daring, went back to work and hired babysitters at home or in the sitter’s home. The lucky ones who had grandparents around left their little ones with grandma and grandpa. The first day care centers were just emerging and the concept of au pairs was on the horizon. Both were quite radical ideas at that time.

I decided to be a work at home mom. I would tutor children from my own home and write children’s books in my spare time while my little ones napped or sat quietly next to me and played. Their napping and playing would be the secret to my success. Was I delirious? 

“What did you say? I was just texting my friend. Oops, sorry, that’s my phone. It must be my mother to see if I got here okay. So, which book did you want me to take out of my backpack?”

Jen, a fifteen-year old, was listening to music, too. As she got settled. I asked Jen if this kind of multi-tasking goes on all day. She confirmed my suspicions that multi-tasking goes on while she does her homework, including all the social interactions on her computer.

I’d bet your teens are doing this kind of multi-tasking too.

Life on this “fast track” doesn’t leave Jen or your kids enough brain cells for homework.

“I have a 98.7 average, and I want to go to an Ivy League college. My mom and dad both graduated from Ivy League schools and so did my brother.” Leslie, age 16, was staying up until two in the morning studying in hopes she’d follow in her family’s footsteps.

 Naturally we all want our kids to do well in school. We want them to succeed. However, some kids are driven. They become fixated on getting nothing lower than an A.

 In itself, getting all A’s isn’t a problem as long as it doesn’t create emotional problems. However, if you see signs that your child’s natural ambition for excellence is becoming problematic, you need to step in.

Read what Lori, a 13-year-old, said to me. Are we listening to our kids or just asking about tests, grades, and is their homework done?  

“All the teachers care about is if I did my homework. They don’t even ask me about my life. My dad lost his job and my mom has cancer. Homework is the last thing on my mind.” Lori is stressed and it’s not about school.

Everyone has personal problems sometimes. Some are serious like Lori’s, others not so serious. Sometimes minor problems are blown out of proportion and appear to be more important than they are, impacting on more important things such as schoolwork.  Big or small, we need to pay attention to how our children think about their lives and what’s worrying them.